Impressing the IN-LAWS or not...
ATTENDING A SOUTH INDIAN WEDDING
It all started with an early morning phone call from my in laws informing and subsequently inviting us to my husband’s brother’s marriage.
Nay! My friends before you tar this little phone call, among the zillions of others, allow me to enumerate what the phone call actually represents!
This phone call meant our sins, of falling in love ( a characterless, uncivilized and barbaric act in itself) followed by a rebellious marriage, had been forgiven!
This phone call meant we were invited to rejoin the folds of family from which we had been kicked out rather unceremoniously if I may add!
For first time in our 5 year married life, we found that Thursday night hangovers can be overcome as early as 6am with a simple long distance call, and that we are capable of talking and walking around, at 6 am on a Friday morning!
Little did we know that these were but the whiffs of winds warning of an oncoming hurricane!My innocent, simple hubby’s eyes turned dreamy and he entered into reciting the nostalgic anecdotes of his families and friends, reminding me uncomfortably of Dilwale Dulhaniya Ley Jayange’s “simran’s bauji”; I almost heard the title song “thera des bulave re!”. It slowly dawned upon me , however, with bits and pieces of information spread over sathya’s dreamy soliloquies and snatches of tele-conversations that I overheard, added to few weird enquiries like “how much does your jewelry weigh?” that we will be flying from Dubai to india in about three days time. Our mission impossible being trying to win over as many hearts as possible to compensate the scores of the ones we broke in the process of trying to live together legally ie by getting married, ourselves!When at last I managed to sober down my hubby, enough, to have a conversation that we both could understand, I reminded him of more mundane and unimportant things like how long we will be staying in india and who would be handling the retails that we have opened in dubai and sharjah and how our 13 or odd employees are going to manage when both of us are absent. These inconsequential and petty issues however were handled very quickly and with a alacrity I hardly knew my hubby possessed!
2 days later!
Looming ahead us were the most threatening obstacles, our wardrobe for a month! Remember we were going with a mission to “WIN HEARTS” and believe me or not, shorts and jeans are not going to help your case if the venue is a suburban town, tucked away, 100 km away from the city of trichy in south india.
A shopping, ( last minute shopping is a misnomer, it is always last day shopping) took care of my problems at least. 30 sarees and matching blouses seemed like a good idea then! Just when I decided that I was armed well to face the trip to India, a follow up phone call from my mother in law to me directly, however, threw me in frenzy! She reminded me to bring all my jewelry and with a cough added that i should put on few of the chains along with my already heavy thali! Then started a frantic search for my “THALI”, a chain symbolizing our marriage which is considered sacred almost on par with the holy books! When, even ransacking the whole apartment did not yield any result, our best friends rushed over to our flat with Paddy or Padmini, even managing to hunt down her thali and bringing it to me but she being a canadigan brahmin, her thali or mangalsutra was way different from the tamil pillai one that my in laws had bestowed on me ! Of course we couldn’t start packing or working without few pints of beer which soon turned into a full blown party and before we knew it, we were all slouched! Having woken up miraculously few hours before the flight from our drunken slumber, we packed or rather thrust all the materials into our bags and managed to reach the airport where we were almost the last ones to arrive. As my hubby hurried towards the counter with our passports and luggages for the boarding passes, I trudged slowly falling few steps behind eyeing a child eating chocolate in a very delectable manner!
“Are you pregnant?” my hubby’s familiar voice boomed through the hall, piercing through my thoughts. The normally soft-spoken sathya was shouting at me from the counter looking at me concernedly.
“what?” I bristled
“she wants to know?” hubby pointed at the very wide eyed philipino staff who was by now suddenly very interested in the luggage placed in tier.
“No! I think not!” murmured my hubby back to the lady realizing that I was not very happy with every pair of eyes in the hall looking pointedly at me or rather my harmless potbelly!
With my extensive jewelry under a heavy kurthi made of denims, I looked every inch a suicide bomber! I was not, therefore surprised when I was whisked off at the immigration to be checked more thoroughly! As I came out I found my hubby laughing and waving so hard that I was sure he had lost his marbles! He was always a very simple person and this hassle and excitement has really been way beyond his capacity. I approached him warily and I noticed something shining dangling from his hand! The “THALI” had been discovered in one of the hand luggages when the immigration check was conducted on the hand luggage!
Funnily the plane did reach trichy, and thankfully my uncle, a staff of trichy airport, though off duty, was kind enough to be present at the airport to help us through. We made it through without much ado, with the staff squashing all the doubts and repressing their laughter at the sight of the pair of dodo’s with their odd looking luggages. The actual arrival at my in laws house also passed of smoothly, very smoothly mostly becoz it was 2.40 am and everyone was sleeping.
Next day however, the relatives, or rather the women folk, pounced upon me. With my hubby, no where, at sight, I was left to fend for myself.
“are you a malayali or do u belong to hindi clan?” hindi clan? Never heard of that myself?
“u met our child,(child seriously) in college na?” saucy one that was! Because people fall in love only in college!
“u really don’t have any child na?” one cant possible hide a child right?
“oh! no child till now?” that had a an edge of condolence to it!
“how did you drape the saree? Who helped you?” yea draping saree is not as easy as pulling up a pair of jeans but I sure am not retarded! Huh!!
“so did you mother in law and father in law speak to you?” woa. I married their son… did not murder him right?
And the classic one!
“I met your hubby just now! He teeth seem to have a stain! Does he smoke?” the last part was asked in a conspirational whispering tone!
I could only gape and open my mouth to answer looking and feeling thoroughly judged and bewildered when my mother in law swooped down on me and handled it so neatly!
She looked at the younger woman pointedly “she does not speak tamil, mammi!” and looked at another older woman, “u know athachi, she was brought up in north india!” the older woman immediately nodded knowingly, “yeah I knew it long time since your hubby never hides anything from me! ” puffed up the lady, now a confirmed ally of my mother in law!
“ She woke up early morning at 6 and have been trying to drape the saree, the pleats of course, I set it” warming up the sympathy of the women!
“They are planning to have a kid this year! U know my son, he is adamant!” she toned down her voice to a hush whisper! Continued my mother in law “poor thing this one! He is always shouting at her. And this poor one is always saying ok dear ok dear” uncannily mimicking me! Now I wonder when that happened! But lo and behold!!
The whole judging crowd started looking up to me in such a wave of empathy and sympathy that I felt like a heroine straight out of Ektha kapoor’s serial!
I was left alone for few days except decking up in the evening with my expert mother in law deciding my attires complete with accessories! Just as I almost began to feel that my apprehensions about the whole wedding stuff was unfounded, my mother in law announced that next day would be the “thali ponnu uruku” function.
Unperturbed, I was happily content with my role of an erudite but rather thickheaded daughter in law who is however is always decked up. However this time the pujari or the priest suddenly looked up to me and asked me to sit on a wooden plank and asked me for my thali! Being proud of the fact that I managed to wear this 40gm heavy metal around my neck with sincere perseverance the whole day, I took the chain’s locket or the actual THALI into my hand and showed it to him, smugly. One look at it, and the priest stopped chanting his mantras and looked at it wide eyed! “amma” he called my mother in law, eyes wide with shock, “ what is this? The locket is upturned! That cannot happen! I am the one who did the thali pooja (where the thali is transferred from the holy string to golden chain and reinstated on my neck) and I know I had put it straight! This cannot have happened…… unless… until… no no” stammered the priest!
I need to explain here that the THALI once worn around the neck is not supposed to be removed at all ! at least untill one of the couple die! Even on gauri pooja when the women could change the thread or chain holding the thali, the transfer has to be done without moving the thali from the neck!! (please don’t ask me how…I have never done it..indian women are expected to be Houndini as well I guess)
I was agast!
In one moment I was ousted from the ideal daughter in law pedestal to a outcast!
I was but the SCARLET LETTER!
Again flies in my mother in law! “ what swami! Don’t u know the problems this girl is facing” remonstrated my mother in law, “she was all alone in gauri pooja and ur nephew, sathya did not even bother to help her, she had to transfer the thali all by herself!” so indignant was her tone and so authoritative was her voice that the poor priest fumbled. When he mumbled some protests, my mother in law narrowed down her eyes and asked, “are u …u are not thinking…” At this the priest faltered! “no no I know she would never remove her thali” he hastily added!
With me comfortably reinstated on the highest pedestal possible, the whole series of functions and festivities passed off without a hitch!When the honey moon for the newlyweds was planned, my in laws decided that we both should also go with them! Ready to take a break anywhere as long as it takes us away from the relatives all four of us pounced upon the idea (my brother in law and his newly wedded bride too had their share of frustrations which had created a strange yet strong empathy among ourselves!)! 10 days in munnar and we really felt almost as if we were back in dubai !
On the fated evening, we were in bar, both of us clad in shorts and t shirts and me donning few rather questionable accessories ! Yea u heard it right! We picked them at the antique store and since our harmless eccentricities were accepted, inside the resort, I decide to don them as well! The waiter came and informed as that someone is asking for us at lobby. Almost wasted, smoking cigarettes we lumbered into the lobby expecting to find my brother in law and his wife. Alas! What could be more ironic to be welcomed by my in-laws, his brother’s in laws and few other relatives who had decided to surprise us!!!
It has been more than 5 years since the incident, we are yet to receive a call from india inviting us for any function!!!
