AN AVERAGE FAMILY LUNCH !!
So now that we managed to eat after a major mayhem, Ah! I see you all getting surprised about the word "mayhem" to describe a simple family lunch. Well, before you all react, simpletons, pray hear me out!
My sister in law, decided that animals are being cruel to her. How so, do you ask?
Well to begin with the centipede I mentioned earlier had snubbed her rather ungraciously. Let alone the respect and gratitude, apparently the centipede didn’t even acknowledge the arrival of my sister in law and this abdominal behavior by the centipede, after having feasted on her plant.
The Cat, no less accessory to the crime, seem to have rebuffed my sister in law's every attempt at friendliness with nothing less than a low growl and half-hearted attempt at scratching.
Aggrieved by the cruelty meted out to her, my sister in law decided to own up the situation and make amends by turning vegetarian and salvage her tormentor’s karmic retributions by forgiving them and actually atoning for their actions by giving up her non veg food!
Remember, the family is hardcore coastal who genuinely believe that sea food is vegetarian. I mean even infants are fed on steamed fish for heaven’s sake. Turning vegetarian in a house where eggs are boiled with cauliflower, and mutton with potatoes, was not an easy feat for any conscientious person, let alone for a lady like my sister in law. Appeasing a stern integrity as hers, was no easy joke. The definition of "non vegetarian " food was not merely ingesting flesh of animals or birds. No Sir! In accordance of her lofty standards even the spoon perching against the plate in which non veg is food is served, taints the spoon apparently. I never knew the superconducting abilities of non-vegetarian food till then. Add to this my mother, the head chef, wondering not very innocently and rather vociferously about how murdering animals to nourish, is more barbaric than feeding off mutilated plants, more frequently, now than ever, as somehow vegetarian food refused to pacify the hunger pangs in one or two helpings! My mother’s point was that by snagging off the centipede’s food was no way to make amends with it anyway!
My brother, having realized that “non” of the food was impossible to amputate from the lunch, was donned a new avatar. He was motivated into actually getting his that part of the body, off the couch, that we in India pretend do not exist. India is indeed incredible due to many reasons; one being while in other countries, sensitive issues are swept under the carpet, we sweep off parts of body, certain communities and even genders under the carpet! Man, we have a huge carpet!
Well, digression apart, the dutiful husband that he is, my brother decided to court his lady love all over again by trying to cook a pure vegetarian dish right from scratch! Yes you guessed it right! Our very own veg Maggie!! Bewilderment slowly turning into incredulous smile, my sister in law turned to my mother as my brother walked in with a cup full of noodles! That one moment crackled with emotions flying all across. My sister in law’s victorious smile caught in crossfire with my mother’s reproachful look at my brother and my ex militia father’s instincts all worked up against the impeding storm and even Lady Cat woke up from her nap and cocked her ears sideways. No wonder Ektha Kapoor keep repeating the same shot from every angle. Each angle has a plethora of emotions and a view of its own to speak of! All this while The Dog and myself continued chomping on the most delicious fish curry of the world, oblivious to the spitting invisible emotional warfare that was ensuing ! Just as we were wiping clean, the remaining morsels of our lunch,
“Processed food often has beef fat added rather innocuously, almost in negligible amount, but added it is!” chimed the well timed 12 year old encyclopedia of my house!
My brother stared daggers at him but luckily my mother didn’t understand one word of the whole sentence except the word food, reassuring my sister in law, who went deaf that very moment, and my father got busy trying to pile food on my son’s plate on my mother’s behest !The Dog and myself, needless to say, never lost our focus from our food. We are dedicated that way you know!
So after the mayhem of lunch we all retired to a well-earned siesta. I however choose to recline on the sofa as my son retired near me with his mobile.
I was dreaming of a beautiful walk on the green lawn and suddenly heard my father shout,” Snake…
To be continued…….