MY COVID 19 LOCK-DOWN, HOUSEHOLD!!
When my 12 year old’s son’s exam got over earlier than expected, I, a dutiful mother lost it!
I mean I completely and really lost it!
What am I going to do? He needs to feed; No No he is not a vampire, but he needs nourishment and in covid 19 lock down,it translates into me actually cooking!!
He was safely tucked away in hostel where he was to continue for at least 15 more freaking days. The school suddenly talks of some virus from china and the kids got all their exams fast forwarded and I get a rude curt message that my son will be dropped home and No! They wouldnt keep him at hostel even if I decide to accompany him there!
So I ran to my only refuge - MY parents! To give you all an idea of my parent's household let me introduce the characters residing at the house:
MY PARENT’S HOUSE WHERE WE WERE LOCKED DOWN DUE TO COVID HOUSED
A Mentally deranged dog, called The Dog, who refuses to see and abide by the social cues, and believes in universal love and insists on showering that love indiscriminately by not just pawing you or “ dog hugging” you! Nay sir! That would be too mellow. He insists on jumping on the two legged human till he pushes you down to his height and then proceeds to show his possessiveness by peeing few tiny droplets around you, his present moment “love”!
A hyper sensitive cat, to be referred as The Cat, in the future references is one classy lady. She decides to get offended at every high pitched voice. Any noise qualifying as noise is considered as a personal affront. And the grand dame retaliates by scratching anyone who is at scratch- able distance, notwithstanding if the person she scratches is even remotely connected to the originater of the offensive noise, so to say … again indiscriminately. My parents have brought up a very socially minded household, I must say. We are, not only, non-racist or non-misogynist but also believe in retaliating in an unbiased manner!
My usually placid brother who unless he suffers from his arbitrary seizures of activity, believes he is doing a great service to humanity by lying on the couch and not provoking the Dog and the Cat into action. Having been brought up in the house dominated by the series of Dogs and Cats, of the yore till the ones in present day, his character couldn’t but be influenced by them. So now he is either a hypersensitive person who would be offended even if anyone but sneezed at his direction or would be so callous that even if my 95kg, 5 feet mother were to fall, her great fall, he wouldn’t blink his eyelid! Believe it or not, this couch potato actually managed to find a mate in my sister in law, a foodie and a sleepie (do you have such a word? Well I just coined it)
It is so, a match made of dreams, where they spend most of their time anyways!
My sister in law is paranoid about any living thing which is not my brother or my nephew. In all fairness neither did the living entities of my household do anything to change her mind, nor did she appear very "changeable". She is a conscientious “bahu” straight from Ektha Kapoor’s serial. Not only does she believe in decking up and covering every iota of her skin in the sweltering summer, she actually hovers around my parents, both diabetic, with a sugar testing kit at least 3 to 4 times a day, trying to draw their blood! Why am I reminded of the vampires from Twilight every time I see her, I have no clue. But this blood drawing dutiful bahu, loses all her dignity and poise whenever the Dog and the Cat appear. In all fairness, the dog and cat in my house have been a as much a brat to her as they have to been to others; in-discriminate remember? And even the centipede gorging on the leaves of the plant, she planted herself, never gave her the warmth or gratitude that she deserved.
Me, a very average ex-NRI woman, am merely trying my level best to run backward in time to escape my forties, donning skirts on rather generous love handles, just so that I might pass off as a teen! The belying belly and sagging assets, no doubt working furiously against the cause!
My 12 year son who is my antithesis … like you know every positive has a negative, the yin yan etc.. so he turned out to be a sweet, organized, polite, basically SANE person! How? I honestly never figured it out! But I had given up understanding the mysterious ways of universe long ago! If I could be born to my mother, my son as well could be born to me!
My mother, a universal Indian mother who believes that my sister in law is Indian culture’s savior and am its sole destroyer! I don’t know if she thinks the culture is so weak that an insipid person like me can destroy it or does she take me to so powerful that I can destroy a mighty culture single handedly. She takes her responsibility to play out the role of Ektha Kapoor serial’s benign mother- in- law very seriously. So much so that since the dramatization is never complete without an evil, ever plotting villi, I find her eyes resting on me rather coldly, while she catches me scurrying for a forbidden smoke with my father! Thanks to Ektha Kapoor, the Indian women are never completely satanical till they dressed up to kill, and have a smoke or at least a glass of suspicious looking “ you know what”!!
And I like a naïve foolish old school Indian, actually harbor thoughts that rude behavior especially towards older citizen or unethical or immoral acts or gossip mongering or even domestic violence are the cardinal sins! Nay, those are apparently harmless and very forgivable! It is a woman dressing up so as to accentuate her long legs or beautiful arms or god forbid, her curves which are unforgivable sins. Add to it a glass of alcohol or cigarette and she is a threat not only to her lungs but to the entire “bharatiya sanskar” or the whole of Indian culture! My poor simple mother conveniently forgets that I used to drink and wear skirts even in India or before the migration and blames the “western culture” for my debaucheries! Swear on god, I never put my foot further than the great Middle Eastern sands, but then logic has never been my mother’s strength.
My father, a lone lost man, oscillates between his inspirations from Dai lama and scruples of Donald Trump, without batting an eyelid, which in itself, I suspect, has been copied from our desi politicians .I often wonder if the aliens who abducted him, probably before I was born, really screwed with his thinking pattern! My mother whose world revolved around feeding the living things in the world never even noticed that she had an extra mouth to feed. Of course, she does get extra vigilant when I am around as she believes that I am a bad influence on him. Not only does his smoking gets blamed on me, but claims are rife that when he actually ventures around voicing his opinion when I am around. Now which "sanskari" wife could actually tolerate her husband doing that?
So on the whole we are very normal, government abiding, society abiding (as much as we can comprehend) people. Thank you very much, as Rowling would say! Packed as sardines inside a single house tucked away in Kerala, we enjoyed our way through the lock down! Keep reading to know how, what and where........
To be continued……